You are Who you are

Unnamed poem pulled from "The Purpose Driven Life"

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

Wait by Russel Kelfer

WAIT

by Russel Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,

and the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait”.

“Wait? You say, wait!,” my indignant reply.

“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate,

hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?

I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,

or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe

we need but to ask, and we shall receive.

Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:

I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

and grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting...for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,

and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want - But, you wouldn’t know Me.”

“You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence were all you could see.”

“You’d never experience that fullness of love

as the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;

You’d know that I give and I save...(for a start),

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked

of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.”

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that “My grace is sufficient for Thee.”

“Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true.

But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!

So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see,

that the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.”

“And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late.

My most precious answer of all is still ...WAIT.

HOW CAN I KNOW IF I WAS A VICTIM OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

HOW CAN I KNOW IF I WAS A VICTIM OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?


A lot of people who are victims of sexual abuse are afraid to face the truth that they have been victims of abuse already. More often than not, they tend to supress or repress the memories. But rooted deep within are the vivid thoughts and nightmares of the past that have created wounds which are not yet healed. Other victims may think they have forgotten this nightmare and that they have sealed the memories tightly in a place where these thoughts can never be brought up again. This is nit true. Other victims of abuse tend to minimize the gravity of the incident by saying: "It only happened once.", "it was only a kiss.", "He just showed me movies.", "There was no penetration that happened."

According to Ellen Bass and Leaura Davis, the statements that were previously mentioned are a measure of the gross minimizing of abuse done in our society. They added,

The fact that someone else has suffered from abuse more severe than your own does not lessen your suffering. Comparisons of pain are simply not useful. There are many ways of minimizing sexual abuse. A particularly offensive one is to claim that if a man didn't force his penis into
some opening of your body, you weren't really violated. This is not true. The severity of abuse should not be defined in terms of male genitals. Violation is determined by your experience as a child—your body, your feelings, your spirit. The precise physical acts are not always the most damaging aspects of abuse. Although forcible rape is physically excruciating to a small child, many kinds of sexual abuse are not physically painful. They do not leave visible scars.

The following are criteria to know if you are a victim of child abuse:

Excerpt from the book The Courage to Heal
(A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse) by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis



When you were a young child or teenager,were you:
• Touched in sexual areas?
• Shown sexual movies or forced to listen to sexual talk?
• Made to pose for seductive or sexual photographs?
• Subjected to unnecessary medical treatments?
• Forced to perform oral sex on an adult or sibling?
• Raped or otherwise penetrated?
• Fondled, kissed, or held in a way that made you uncomfortable?
• Forced to take part in ritualized abuse in which you were physically or sexually tortured?
• Made to watch sexual acts or look at sexual parts?
• Bathed in a way that felt intrusive to you?
• Objectified and ridiculed about your body?
• Encouraged or goaded into sex you didn't really want?
• Told all you were good for was sex?
• Involved in child prostitution or pornography?*

* Between 500,000 and 1,000,000 children are involved in prostitution and pornography in this country; a high percentage of them are victims of incest. See Sex Work: Writings by Women in the Industry, edited by Frederique Dellacoste and Priscilla Alexander (Pittsburgh: Cleis Press, 1987).


If you answered YES in any of these questions. YOU were a victim of child sexual abuse. All sexual abuse is damaging whether it was just a touch and it happened only once, a movie that was shown to you, an offensive verbal/sexual statement, still it is an abuse and the trauma does not end when the abuse stops. The fact that someone else has suffered from abuse more severe than your own does not lessen your suffering. You were also a victim.


I just want you to know if you have been sexually abused,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

The Untold Story of Magdalene.

The story you are about to read is about a girl named Magdalene who has been sexually molested and abused at a very young age. For years, she has been haunted by her guilt, anger, fears and doubts. But she has chosen to take a new path to uncover her face and to pick up once again her self and her long lost shattered dreams.

Brace yourself as you get to know “The Untold Story of Magdalene.”


___________________________________________________________________________________
Magdalene is very dear to me. It has been years since I have known her. I’ve already forgotten her face and maybe her voice. But one thing still remains for sure; she will always be a special part of me.

One cold night of July, after so many years, once again our paths have crossed each other. I did not recognize her until I looked at the window to her soul. In her eyes lies a truth that has never been told to anyone.

I visited a place I thought I would never ever visit again. I entered the gate of darkness. The atmosphere spelled pain, anger, revenge and lust. I opened the door and in a corner I found a weeping lady, afraid and all alone, tormented and deeply wounded. She is Magdalene.

I wanted to embrace her and comfort her in a way I know. But something held me back. I asked instead, “Why are you here? She looked into my eyes and with soft mumbling voice, she replied. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

I sat beside her. I couldn’t speak a word and from then I have learned to speak through my heart where the depths of our souls have met…


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1st Mask

You have known me long before. I am the A+ student who graduated as First Honors in Elementary. I brought pride and honor to my family and I enjoyed doing such. I love board games – Scrabble and Chess in particular. (I dreamt of becoming a Grand Master). But more than these, I love my God.

Vivid in my thoughts was when I became so fondly obsessed with the board game – Chess. I became a representative for Chess Tournaments. My Dad’s kumpare who is a great Chess player became my mentor. Almost everyday I would meet him and we would play. He taught me how to strategically move my piece, how to list my moves and how to use and set the chess clock. He gave me books about chess, brand new chess pieces and chess mat and even a chess clock which is quite expensive all for free. But the most precious gift I received from him was The Holy Bible that he handed me as a graduation gift. Little did I know that a snake has entered my world through a very skillful deception.

After a week of receiving the Holy Bible, the beginning of my nightmare started.
I was walking towards my grandfather’s house when he saw me and asked me if we could play. I approached him and agreed. I went inside their house. While inside, I was seated on a couch. He asked me to wait for a while, then I heard him brushing his teeth and after that I heard clicking sounds - he began locking the doors. I felt something odd was happening however I didn’t mind at all. I never knew I was alone with him or perhaps I didn’t bother to care even a little.

Suddenly, he appeared and with an angelic smiling face he approached me. He knelt before me telling me that he would sponsor my trainings in Milo, etc. then unexpectedly he began kissing me.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to stop him.
I wanted to run.
But I was so helpless that I could not move.

He invited me to go to his room where we frequently do our chess lessons. I thought it was over. I thought we would be continuing our lessons and play. How foolish I am for never knowing he was never satisfied and he was craving more of my body.

My body was against the wall of the door of his room. He came closer to me, kissing me all over and touching my body. Then he continued molesting me some more.
How coward I am for not saying DON’T.
How stupid I am for obeying everything that he was telling me.
I felt so pathetic.

After all that had happened, he told me not to tell anyone. I was crying when I went home. I brushed my teeth so many times and took a bath. Yet I felt so filthy all over. I despised myself so much.

The next day, he visited our house and he brought Japanese sweet corns. I knew he was there so I locked myself in my room pretending I was sleeping. When he left, I pretended I woke up already, my Mom and my grandmother told me to thank him for being so generous and kind to me. At the back of my mind, I wanted him to die at the moment. Everyday of my life I cursed him. But I never told anyone about this. I feared nobody would understand my stupidity and how cruel the world has been. I feared that if I tell someone my reputation and my family’s reputation would all be gone. I chose to remain silent and repress the dreadful past in my memories.

I tried to live my life as normal as possible. I started putting up my mask to cover the sadness, shame and guilt. Yet at night, I cried myself to sleep. Nevertheless, my nightmares haunted me. I felt so alone. I wanted to die and I loathed God for allowing me to experience this.

_____________________________________________________________________________________
I seated closer to Magdalene and there was a feeling of numbness in my chest. I took the courage to embrace her and held her in my arms, closest to my chest.

to be continued…

Who is the Wounded Healer

The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected. Only the wounded physician heals. But when the doctor wears his personality like a coat of armor, he has no effect.
- Carl Jung: Wounded Healer of the Soul.

WHO IS THE WOUNDED HEALER

Many articles and books have been written about 'The Wounded Healer.' It is the person who has gone through suffering, sometimes great, and as a result of that process has become a source of great wisdom, healing power and inspiration for others. In fact, the archetypal wounded healer undergoes a transformation as a result of their wound, their suffering and pain. They can actually transcend it, and successfully lead themselves to a path of service. It is as if the wound itself helps you drive yourself to an inner journey that becomes the transformation itself. One strips away the selfish, ego-based feeling of being all alone in our wound and expands to see others and how if one chooses a different role, one can help.

- Anonymous

This is what I believe I've been called to do...
To be a wounded healer and to suffer the wounds of life to mend others and to better understand.

So here I am to share with you all that I am, all that I have been through, my story, my journey, my life...

All for the Glory of God!