The story you are about to read is about a girl named Magdalene who has been sexually molested and abused at a very young age. For years, she has been haunted by her guilt, anger, fears and doubts. But she has chosen to take a new path to uncover her face and to pick up once again her self and her long lost shattered dreams.
Brace yourself as you get to know “The Untold Story of Magdalene.”
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Magdalene is very dear to me. It has been years since I have known her. I’ve already forgotten her face and maybe her voice. But one thing still remains for sure; she will always be a special part of me.
One cold night of July, after so many years, once again our paths have crossed each other. I did not recognize her until I looked at the window to her soul. In her eyes lies a truth that has never been told to anyone.
I visited a place I thought I would never ever visit again. I entered the gate of darkness. The atmosphere spelled pain, anger, revenge and lust. I opened the door and in a corner I found a weeping lady, afraid and all alone, tormented and deeply wounded. She is Magdalene.
I wanted to embrace her and comfort her in a way I know. But something held me back. I asked instead, “Why are you here? She looked into my eyes and with soft mumbling voice, she replied. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
I sat beside her. I couldn’t speak a word and from then I have learned to speak through my heart where the depths of our souls have met…
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1st Mask
You have known me long before. I am the A+ student who graduated as First Honors in Elementary. I brought pride and honor to my family and I enjoyed doing such. I love board games – Scrabble and Chess in particular. (I dreamt of becoming a Grand Master). But more than these, I love my God.
Vivid in my thoughts was when I became so fondly obsessed with the board game – Chess. I became a representative for Chess Tournaments. My Dad’s kumpare who is a great Chess player became my mentor. Almost everyday I would meet him and we would play. He taught me how to strategically move my piece, how to list my moves and how to use and set the chess clock. He gave me books about chess, brand new chess pieces and chess mat and even a chess clock which is quite expensive all for free. But the most precious gift I received from him was The Holy Bible that he handed me as a graduation gift. Little did I know that a snake has entered my world through a very skillful deception.
After a week of receiving the Holy Bible, the beginning of my nightmare started.
I was walking towards my grandfather’s house when he saw me and asked me if we could play. I approached him and agreed. I went inside their house. While inside, I was seated on a couch. He asked me to wait for a while, then I heard him brushing his teeth and after that I heard clicking sounds - he began locking the doors. I felt something odd was happening however I didn’t mind at all. I never knew I was alone with him or perhaps I didn’t bother to care even a little.
Suddenly, he appeared and with an angelic smiling face he approached me. He knelt before me telling me that he would sponsor my trainings in Milo, etc. then unexpectedly he began kissing me.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to stop him.
I wanted to run.
But I was so helpless that I could not move.
He invited me to go to his room where we frequently do our chess lessons. I thought it was over. I thought we would be continuing our lessons and play. How foolish I am for never knowing he was never satisfied and he was craving more of my body.
My body was against the wall of the door of his room. He came closer to me, kissing me all over and touching my body. Then he continued molesting me some more.
How coward I am for not saying DON’T.
How stupid I am for obeying everything that he was telling me.
I felt so pathetic.
After all that had happened, he told me not to tell anyone. I was crying when I went home. I brushed my teeth so many times and took a bath. Yet I felt so filthy all over. I despised myself so much.
The next day, he visited our house and he brought Japanese sweet corns. I knew he was there so I locked myself in my room pretending I was sleeping. When he left, I pretended I woke up already, my Mom and my grandmother told me to thank him for being so generous and kind to me. At the back of my mind, I wanted him to die at the moment. Everyday of my life I cursed him. But I never told anyone about this. I feared nobody would understand my stupidity and how cruel the world has been. I feared that if I tell someone my reputation and my family’s reputation would all be gone. I chose to remain silent and repress the dreadful past in my memories.
I tried to live my life as normal as possible. I started putting up my mask to cover the sadness, shame and guilt. Yet at night, I cried myself to sleep. Nevertheless, my nightmares haunted me. I felt so alone. I wanted to die and I loathed God for allowing me to experience this.
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I seated closer to Magdalene and there was a feeling of numbness in my chest. I took the courage to embrace her and held her in my arms, closest to my chest.
to be continued…